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Thursday, August 30, 2012

Ghastly Hands and Pretty Gloves

Ohh How I Love You
My Pretty, Pretty, Rubber Gloves

Can I be honest with you? Yes of course I knew that I could. You are just so sweet that way and I love you for it.

I have the single most ghastly hands on the planet. True! They are always dry and cracked in spite of all of the lotions, potions, creams and ointments that I apply diligently before bed (and sometimes throughout the day if I can keep my mind focused). Not to mention that I almost always am in desperate need of a manicure.

My hands stay in everything. Things that would forever prevent me from becoming a ~hand model~ if I should ever aspire to such things as that- which of course I never would because I actually like using my hands.

During the course of a normal week I am scouring the tub with "Ajax" or "Mean Green" (or something equally hand harsh) for those hard to remove soap scum stains that men seem to insist on leaving behind after every shower. Not to forget the black ring around the bathtub left behind after giving the dogs a bath.

My husband ~Marvin~ was once quick to remind me that it would be one less chore I would have to do if I would simply give the dogs a bath outside instead of in the tub. I answered that clearly uneducated remark with your basic ~how can you even suggest such a thing~ glare. The next time I caught him sitting out on the patio; smoking a cigarette and thinking thoughts that only other men understand - thoughts of turtle wax, armor all, rain X, and so forth- I gave him a good spray with the garden hose and ask him "how'd that bath work for ya"? He never mentioned giving the dogs a bath outside again. Neither has he offered to give the dogs a bath for me ... but that's another story for another time.

Anywho; there are ovens to be cleaned, toilets to be cleaned, floors and baseboards, walls and windows, dishes completely out the wazoo and that's ever before I get to my crafting. Whereas then we have paints, glues, turpentine, glitters, more paint, more glue, more turpentine and the occasional nick from the needle when I am hand sewing. All which ultimately end up with my having a pair of hands that look like I work as a welder in a steel mill rather than being a happy homemaker.

My daughter Misty; who has lovely hands, ~glare inserted here~ is always buying me something precious to help restore some balance of moisture back into my hands but the problem is that I can't ever really quite commit to the process. For example: I received the most precious hand kit made by Burt's Bees from her. Have you heard of them? Simply fantastic company with the most divine products made from well ... organic bees wax and honey and so forth. Lovely! In my kit were things for the cuticles, wax's and a buffer for the nails, banana scented thick, luxurious overnight cream for the hands and a dainty pair of tight'ish fitting white cotton gloves with the cutest little bumble bees printed in the fabric. I must admit that it was a joy to use and the following day (after having slept in my bee gloves) my hands did look remarkably healthier.

I made a vow to continue to use it each night but eventually found myself pulling the gloves off in my sleep and then in the morning I had to spend a half hour trying to locate where I had tossed them during the night. Eventually our wheaten terrier "Mr. Doogles" ate one of the gloves (no doubt because it had the scent of banana- a fruit that he particularly enjoys eating) So; my ~vow~ to use the Burt's Bees nightly pretty much went out the window. If it's any consolation I do upon occasion slather up my hands and cover them with a pair of my husbands cotton socks while I am watching a late night movie. We'll let him ponder the mysteries of why his white cotton socks sometimes smell like bananas. It'll do him good to broaden his mental horizons ...

Naturally 90% of this could be avoided if I would simply don a pair of rubber gloves while cleaning but honestly... they are just so ugly. Listen; I don't have a vain bone in my body but really! who wants to be caught wearing a pair of those ghastly yellow gloves? They came out with a red pair years ago but ruined them by topping off the cuff in the same shade of horrid yellow. ~blah~

Next we come to the crucible of this note. Which is a simple tutorial on how to decorate a pair of rubber gloves that you won't be embarressed to be seen in and you'll be more apt to wear often simply because you'll look so dang cute in them. The tutorial with photos! will follow this post so stay tuned. You are just going to love them! And of course, as always, they will be ~sew~ easy.


“Let your beauty be found in “the hidden person of the heart,
with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is very precious in the sight of God.”
1 Peter 3:4

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